Madison goes to the doctor....

Last week, I took Madison in for her 5 year check-up/kindergarten check up. To say it was interesting would be an understatement.

First off, lets start with some stats. Madison had a massive growth spurt over the last few months. She is now about 44 inches tall, and weighs 47lbs. Then, we got the news- Madison needed 3 shots.

I had prepared her for one, two maybe. I had not prepared her for 3. The last time she got shots was when Mason was in the hospital the first time, last fall. It was a flu shot, and a hep b shot (I think). She freaked out so bad with that one, she threw up- causing her to get the flu-mist nasal spray instead of the shot. I was prepared for the throw up, and offered a counter offer. "If you don't throw up or freak out, I will buy you an ice cream cone after your shots". Yes, I went with bribery. Madison, being a very wise child, decided to counter-offer, "Hmmmmm....ok. But how about we just say not throw up?" She knew she would freak out. I knew she would freak out. I allowed her to drop the "freak out" part from the original plan, because I was really hoping to not get puked on.

That was mistake number 1.

The nurse (not the normal nurse, mind you) came in with three needles. Madison started crying. I gave her a hug, squeezed her hand, and assured her that everything would be ok. Then we had her lay down on the table.

That was mistake number 2.

I tried to block her view of the shots. I got directly in her face, and was trying to talk to her about Kindergarten, speech, the weather- anything that would distract her. But anyone who knows Madison knows that there is no distracting her from sharp objects approaching her. So the nurse decided she would grab a leg and just go for it.

There lies mistake number 3.

The following happened really quick, but I remember it well. The nurse stuck Madison in the thigh with the needle. Madison barrel rolled towards me, which happened to be the side that the needle was sticking out. The nurse let go of the needle. Needle is still hanging in Madison's leg, which makes her freak more. Nurse pulls needle out, and Madison continues to roll. Nurse nearly stabs me with said needle. I glare, all while trying to calm Madison down. Mind you, the nurse had only stuck Madison with the needle- there was no injection. Which, if you are following, means that she will need to be poked again, in addition to the other two needles that were waiting for their turn.

Chaos happened. Madison screamed.... a lot. Finally, another nurse pops her head in and asks if we need help. Before the other nurse can answer, I say yes. No way I can hold crazy Madison down by myself. So we lay her back down, and pin her down.

This was mistake number 4.

The only thing Madison likes less then needles is being held in place. Suddenly, my normally sweet 5 year old morphed into Linda Blair from the exorcist, minus the swear words (although I can't be confident that she wasn't thinking them). She flipped. She was sweating, and had busted capillaries under her eyes from screaming so much. This was not going well.

Nurse #1 comes at her with a needle. Madison screams "DON'T YOU STICK ME WITH THAT NEEDLE!!!!". Nurse #1 does not listen, and sticks her- and manages to inject her. 1 down, 2 to go. Nurse #2 is holding her legs, because Nurse #1 almost took a foot to the chin in our previous efforts. Shot #2 comes- Madison screams "MOMMY, DON'T LET THEM STICK ME! DON'T YOU DARE STICK MEEEEE!!!!" Nurse #1 continues to ignore her. 2 down, 1 to go. Madison would not accept defeat. She was still fighting, still trying to get free. Nurse #1 says "Ok Madison, last one sweety..." This causes mass pandemonium from the 5 year old, who is now trying to escape with more fury then I have ever seen. I'll be honest, I chuckled, mainly because I was horribly embarrassed, and slightly amused by her tenacity. Madison sees the needle coming for her legs, and makes one final attempt to break free- she fails. Now, she enlists the help of her voice "DON'T. YOU. STICK. ME. WITH. THAT. NEEDLE!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME? DO. NOT. STICK. MEEEEEEEEE!!!!! OWWWWWW!!! YOU STICKED ME!!!!!!!! OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!"

Then it was over. She sits up, looks at the nurses and me, and says "that's it?" I kid you not. I about died. While the nurse went off to get a sticker (or to call and cancel the baby exorcism), Madison pulled her pants up and looked around, completely oblivious to her behavior. The nurse came back with a water bottle, an ice pack, and some Jesus stickers (because the entire clinic thought that Madison could use a little Jesus right about then, I'm sure). We walked out, while everyone gave me the sympathy stare. Her doctor ran to catch up with me, giggling, saying "well, this age is tough- how's mama?"

I know you're wondering- did Madison get her ice cream cone? Well, she didn't puke, so guess who got herself an ice cream cone? And guess who else got one, for having to endure that? Yep, me.

Madison is good on shots until she is 13. Next time, dad takes her. She'll be a lot stronger then, and her vocabulary will be much better. I have no desire to witness that again.